Do you find yourself staying in your comfort zone because of anxious thoughts and fear of the future? I have seen so many women wanting to move toward what God has called them to do but have not learned how to move with fear. Join business coach and best-selling author Jennifer Allwood and I as we share about moving forward despite fearful thoughts, how managing fear is more important than being confident without it, and why we need to focus on more than our feelings.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [03:27] We Must Choose to Work Through Fear Instead of Run from Fear
- [08:10] We Have Been Trained to Not Trust Ourselves
- [11:39] If We Pay Too Much Attention to Our Feelings, They Will Always Steer Us in The Wrong Direction
- [15:27] “Confidence is a Crock of Crap”
- [25:54] “You Cannot Ask God to Show You What He Wants You to Do If You've Been Ignoring What He's Been Whispering in Your Ear for Years”
- [35:58] Alicia’s Reflections: Am I Letting Fear Get In The Way of What God Has Planned For Me?
[03:27] We Must Choose to Work Through Fear Instead of Run from Fear
Jennifer shares that she spent a lot of her twenties worrying about what people thought of her and a lot of her thirties being scared of making a bad decision. She found that there was a never-ending stream of anxious thoughts and things to worry about and she was not able to move or make progress because she was fearful. She believes that many of us have things that we fear–whether it is the fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what people are think of us, fear of not making money, etc.
The premise of her book, “Fear Is Not The Boss Of You” is if we sit in fear too long, it is going to lead us in a completely different direction than where the majority of us want to go. She always knew that the things that she wanted in her life were on the other side of the decisions she was scared to make so she had to find a way to make those decisions, despite the fear.
Learning how to not be controlled by our past, not be afraid of repeating patterns, and to make a decision when we do not know what the outcome is going to be is important. The majority of the time, people are scared to make a decision because they have made a poor decision in the past or they wish they had a guarantee that things were going to work out.
We are often waiting for a megaphone from heaven and hoping to get many signs to validate the decision we are thinking about making. We wait for these signs in hopes that we make the right decision and everything will turn out okay. This rarely happens and Jennifer asks us to reflect on this question:
-How can we make these decisions even when we are unsure that it is going to work out?
[08:10] We Have Been Trained to Not Trust Ourselves
Jennifer shares that we have been set up from childhood to not trust ourselves and our gut feelings. So many of us have been raised in a household where you had to finish your dinner before you left the table. Then many of us have gone to public school where you have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom and have to ask permission for everything as you are grouped together in each class.
This taught us to not trust in our bodies and as we grew up, we looked to everyone else for our life decisions to be made. This leads us to complete uncertainty and we have been trained to not trust ourselves and not go with what we think God is instructing us to do. Then we desire some sort of clarity or guarantee but this rarely happens. Jennifer reminds us that there has to be a motion from us and a decision that is made before clarity or redirection comes.
[11:39] If We Pay Too Much Attention to Our Feelings, They Will Always Steer Us in The Wrong Direction
In the western culture, We often pay too much attention to our feelings, Jennifer shares. Other parts of the world do not have the luxury of worrying about how they feel. When we feel as if we have done a good job, many of us will reward ourselves. Our feelings are often liars and we rarely feel like doing the actual things we need to do to be a better person. If we pay too much attention to our feelings, they will always steer us in the wrong direction.
Jennifer has found a real pattern between women who are stuck and not making any decisions even though they need to, and women who have gone through hard things such as trauma. Women who have been through trauma will often grasp for the familiar even if it is not good for them because they at least know what to expect. As a society, we are uncomfortable with the unknown and unexpected. This is why many women will stick with familiar yet unhelpful patterns versus stepping into something different.
[15:27] “Confidence is a Crock of Crap”
In Jennifer’s book, she has a chapter called “Confidence Is A Crock of Crap” because the world tries to sell us that confidence is what we are looking for. Society tells us that we need to be confident to get the guy, make the move, start the business, or get the job. So women are asking themselves “I do not feel confident, what is wrong with me?”. What women actually need to be is courageous. You have to have the courage to do something you have never done before and make a decision that you do not know the outcome of. When we step out, make a move, and then adjust accordingly, confidence may end up coming.
Jennifer shares a story about signing up for a triathlon where you swim, bike, and run for her 40th birthday. She did not know how to swim so she hired two swim coaches. Once she started her first triathlon, she ended up having a panic attack in the water. She ended up pushing through it and did 10 triathlons in six years. What she shared was that she had a panic attack in the water every single time. Her fear never went away but she boldly took that chance every time.
Her panicking feelings also carried over to her business when she was gaining momentum. But she knew that just like a muscle, you could train your mind to do hard things. She reminds us that we are capable of doing hard things and although we may be scared, that does not mean that we are not supposed to do them. That just means we are gonna have to figure out how to force ourselves to do it anyway.
[25:54] “You Cannot Ask God to Show You What He Wants You to Do If You've Been Ignoring What He's Been Whispering in Your Ear for Years”
We are supposed to be in a relationship with God and as with any relationship, both people have to be in it. If we are constantly asking God for things but are not willing to sit there and listen to what He has to say to us, this makes our relationship a bit one-sided. Life can get busy and our brains are rarely silent so for us to stop and be still may take a lot.
When we sit and pray we need to ask God what He has to say and what He thinks about the decisions that we need to make. Listening to God requires a lot of self-control and discipline which is why Jennifer often prays that God will speak to her and her clients in their dreams. There is a lot of joy that comes from crossing things off of your to-do list but we have to schedule in quiet time.
Alicia reminds us that in the silence is where we hear the voice of God. She encourages us to make space for even just 10-15 minutes and listen to God. We cannot move through these things without God and He is speaking but we may not be listening. A wonderful resource to help you with this silent time is the “Christian Meditations for Daily Calm” where you can refresh your mind and dwell in God’s peace in just 5 minutes a day.
[35:58] Alicia’s Reflections: Am I Letting Fear Get In The Way of What God Has Planned For Me?
One of the quotes that Jennifer put in her book was “How long will you put off what you are capable of doing to continue what you are comfortable doing?” and when I read this I thought that comfort is the thing that keeps us stuck in fear. It may be dysfunctional where we are at but it is a lot more comfortable than jumping in and experiencing the unknown on the other side.
We have to think about what is at stake here. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we are capable of so much more than we can imagine and we are the ones who are keeping ourselves from moving into that next space. I want to say to you today, not from a place of condemnation or shame, but a place of asking you to reflect on some places where you are holding yourself back from the places that God is trying to take you. If you are not sure what this place is, then start to focus on spaces of silence and reconnection with God because He wants us to hear His voice.
Today I challenge you to ask God where you are letting your fears get in the way of what He has for you. Ask Him if there are things that you have built up that are keeping you distracted. What are the fears that are keeping you from stepping out?
Understand that our God is not a God who is going to point His finger at us and tell us that we are wrong for having those fears. He is a God who is going to say, “I understand why that fear is there, I can relate to being afraid and scared.” This is the same Jesus who sat in the Garden of Gethsemane and cried so hard that blood was coming off of His forehead. This is the God that we come to when we are afraid and we do not know what to do next. He understands it, so bring it to Him and allow Him to help you figure out what is next.
Do not wait for the confidence to move forward. Listen for the direction, ask for courage to move forward, and let Him build that confidence in you more and more with each step.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode and some things that you feel are keeping you stuck in fear. Reach out to me on YouTube or Instagram to continue this discussion!
RESOURCES:
Need support for navigating new beginnings, creating new routines, or chasing divine dreams? Join us in the Onward + Upward Collective: A Christ-centered community offering the accountability, support and encouragement (plus optional 1:1 coaching) that Christian women need to boldly pursue God's good plans. Go here to learn more and join us (doors close April 15)!
Grab Chapter One of Jennifer’s Book “Fear Is Not The Boss Of You” for free!