Have you ever found yourself pushing past the point of exhaustion even though you are completely overwhelmed and tired? So many of us are experiencing burnout and mental exhaustion yet we feel as if something is wrong with us for needing rest or we are scared of slowing down. Today I am joined by Jess Connolly, author of “Tired of Being Tired”, to talk about the importance of giving things over to God, ways that we can implement rest into our lives, and self-care for women (which goes much deeper than quick fixes).
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [03:27] “Receive God's Realistic Rest for Your Soul-Deep Exhaustion”
- [07:58] We Need to Be Renewed by God Before Realistic Rest Can Work
- [11:51] Equating Our Spiritual Worth in How Much We Can Do – Pushing Past The Point of Exhaustion
- [19:59] Giving Things Over to God – Practicing for Heaven
- [23:11] You Aren’t Broken If You Can’t Carry The Weight of The World or Handle The Pace of Our Culture
- [27:01] It’s Scary to Slow Down and Rest – Rest Takes Courage and Bravery
- [30:19] What Are Some Real Ways That We Can Make This a First Step of Change?
- [34:51] Alicia’s Reflections: Where in Our Lives Do We Need Rest in This Season?
[03:27] “Receive God's Realistic Rest for Your Soul-Deep Exhaustion”
As Psalms 127 says, “He gives rest to those He loves” and Jess reminds us that rest is a gift from God. We often think of rest as another thing we have to do, figure out, or be good at. We often feel so much shame because we are not perfect at rest. We ultimately have to remember that this is a gift from God.
There are two very different ways that people view rest, they either see it as luxurious and unattainable or see it as big and grand without realizing how small it can be. Jess wants women to embrace a more realistic rest that is attainable in every different season of life. If we say “This rest is never going to happen for me”, it keeps us from embracing and receiving what we have been given.
Jess reminds us that rest does not mean that we have to live a hushed, quiet, and simple life. We get to work with God on what realistic rest can look like for us and then embrace that instead of living in the shame of having to be “good at rest”.
[07:58] We Need to Be Renewed by God Before Realistic Rest Can Work
Most people are not receiving rest because they do not know what “kind” of tired they are. For example, the way that Jess receives rest now looks different than how it did before because she knows what God is calling her to do and what can come off of her plate. The most important thing that we can do is to find what realistic rest looks like for us – someone else’s realistic rest cannot be prescriptive.
Oftentimes when we are trying to fix something, we want someone else to tell us what to do. We start to pick up their habits but it takes an understanding of ourselves and getting to know where we need this rest and how we can obtain it. We not only get to know ourselves through this process, but we also get to walk with God, know Him more intimately, and receive what He is there to give us.
We often feel this soul-deep exhaustion which is more than just the physical need for rest. Jess shares the phrases we often use such as “I need a vacation from my vacation”, “I am tired of being tired”, and “I just need to get through the next few weeks”. These are all around the soul-deep exhaustion and we are really saying that there is an underlying issue that just sleep is not going to solve. Jess realized that until her mind was renewed by the transforming power of God's word and she understood what rest was, none of the practical things she did were going to work.
[11:51] Equating Our Spiritual Worth in How Much We Can Do – Pushing Past The Point of Exhaustion
Jess shares that although she wrote this book about realistic rest, she still gets tired. She does not want to make it sound like she never experiences fatigue. Being tired is a symptom of being human and we live here under the effects of a fallen world. Our world is physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. The only difference for her now is that she knows how to handle her fatigue and how to walk with God to address it.
There were many different instances in Jess’s life where she experienced intense exhaustion and then kept on going because she felt as if it was her fault. Looking back, she realizes that she started to become tired in college because she started to buy the lie that her identity was based on how others perceived her – specifically in a spiritual realm. She wanted to seem like a good Christian girl, serving as much as she could and wanted people to be proud of her for how much she knew the Bible. This was the first time she equated her spiritual worth to how much she could produce and this triggered intense exhaustion. As she went on in her life, instead of receiving God’s rest, she kept buying lie after lie about what she had to do to make other people happy and be the woman she thought she needed to be for the Kingdom.
Everything culminated in 2021 when she had a physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional breakdown. She was doing all the things you would tell someone to do to take care of themselves, but there was the fundamental issue of feeling like rest was something to do to please God rather than just letting herself receive this.
Alicia reminds us that there is a level of responsibility for people who are high achievers. We have to wrestle with the question of “How am I supposed to follow God’s call in a way that is honoring to Him but does not mix up the identity of needing to be that to be good?” We are also not taught that rest is healthy or what rest looks like in the first place.
[19:59] Giving Things Over to God – Practicing for Heaven
Many of us feel that we can conquer rest and get the three steps to fix it but the ultimate rest we are waiting for is in heaven. Jess shares that through finding this balance of the rest we can embrace now, we can all practice for heaven. Usually, when the Bible talks about rest, it is talking about us dying. A lot of what we do as we walk with God is practicing for heaven while acknowledging what is God's and what is ours.
The work of walking with Him is realizing that giving things over to Him and processing our emotions with Him, leads to rest. This allows us to shut out the other voices in our minds so we are not overwhelmed and overburdened. All of these things are ways that we can practice for heaven and come to an agreement with what our relationship will look like with Him for eternity rather than living under a false lie that it is all up to us.
[23:11] You Aren’t Broken If You Can’t Carry The Weight of The World or Handle The Pace of Our Culture
Many of us have bought into the lie that if we feel fatigued or overwhelmed, then we are bad. We do not rest because we feel so much shame about our fatigue and the enemy has convinced us that this is our fault. One of Jess’s favorite passages about Jesus is when He is teaching on the Sabbath and He says, “Man was not made for the Sabbath, the Sabbath was made for man.” This reminds us that rest was made for us and it is a gift and not something that God wants us to check off of a list.
Through the life of Jesus, we know that it is not weak to rest – even if the enemy has valid arguments. Jesus needed rest, He needed to withdraw from people who needed Him, and He honored the physical limitations of being human. So if he could not conquer being human then why do we think that our humanity is somehow displeasing to God? God was leading by example and had these limitations on purpose because He wanted to show us how to rest.
[27:01] It’s Scary to Slow Down and Rest – Rest Takes Courage and Bravery
Another obstacle we face with rest is the idea of slowing down. One of the biggest lessons of the pandemic was facing our inner demons that we could have kept at bay if we were going along in our normal day-to-day lives. Jess reminds us that anything in our life that is risky, vulnerable, or scary is worth it. We cannot get to the end of our lives without doing something that makes us uncomfortable.
Many people are scared to rest because they do not want to find out who they are or what is true about God. If we start to ask ourselves “Why am I scared? What do I think I will find underneath all of this?” and let our soul unfurl these questions – we will find that we are scared of intimacy with God.
Rest takes courage and bravery but we cannot be brave and courageous until we are scared. If you are scared about what you might find true about yourself or God, do not wait for the feeling of fear to go away before you start resting. Do this scared, and experience the courage and comfort that will be found in the presence and power of God.
[30:19] What Are Some Real Ways That We Can Make This a First Step of Change?
A lot of Jess’s book “Tired of Being Tired”, walks women through figuring out the source of their fatigue because we cannot use a blanket statement suggestion. The biggest areas of life where Jess struggles with fatigue are planning and leadership. So she knows that she needs places where she is not being asked to plan and at different points of the day she needs moments where she can rest. There is a lot of freedom in finding the source of your fatigue.
Jess shares with us an action step that we can do today which is admitting that we are tired. If we admit this, things might start to change. Then the next follow-up questions are:
-What do you think God says about that?
-What does this mean about me?
-Do I want to stay tired?
-Do I think that Jesus died on the cross so that I would live an exhausted life?
-How do I feel about the fact that I am tired?
If we are honest about being tired, this can change our lives.
[34:51] Alicia’s Reflections: Where in Our Lives Do We Need Rest in This Season?
I appreciate how Jess wants to approach this topic of feeling tired and needing rest from a realistic standpoint. It is not just about clearing our schedule and creating this brand new life that is going to fix all of our problems. We have to learn how to find rest in this moment and learn what it means to deal with tiredness because, at the end of the day, we are human so it will happen. This does not mean we are broken or bad, we can have this full rest in heaven and find the balance for us right now.
We need to be willing to look at what is making us tired and to make a change. We can talk about wanting to be different but we have to look at the different areas of life in this season and see what is making us exhausted. If you lead a family, you know what it is like to have to be the decision-maker on things and that is what brings me exhaustion in this season. I feel this burden of tiredness around leadership and it has been interesting to explore.
As a next step, I want you to ask yourself this question “What are the places in my life that I feel could help me rest the most in this season?” It may be helpful to think of them in different areas of self such as spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical or you can also think of it from a concept level like I did with the idea of being a leader.
The best news in all of this is that God is with us. He knows how you are wired, what you need, and understands what you are going through. We have a Savior who has modeled what it is like to walk in a spirit that honors this body and the calling that we have by showing up well-rested.
I would also love to continue this conversation with you over on Instagram where you can send me a DM or respond to any of the posts we have around this concept of being rested and looking for rest!
RESOURCES:
Looking for a simple way to bring more peace into your day? Check out my incredible resource, Christian Meditations for Daily Calm, where you can refresh your mind + dwell in God's peace (in about 5 minutes!) when life is stressful.
Connect with author and podcaster Jess Connolly
Grab Chapter One of Jess’s Book “Tired of Being Tired” for free!