Are Unrealistic Expectations Ruining Your Marriage? - Vibrant Christian Living

Are Unrealistic Expectations Ruining Your Marriage?

I have conversations all the time with an imaginary man. In fact, I'll bet you do too.

You see, we develop these unrealistic expectations of how our marriage should be (and especially how our husbands “should” treat us).

And on days when real married life is less than ideal, we imagine how our fantasy spouse–let's call him “Prince Charming”–would act in that moment.

Prince Charming gives the “perfect” answer our your feelings, right?

He says things like: “Oh, honey, you’re so right. Let me draw you a bath and give you a neck message as you tell me all about it.”

Prince Charming knows exactly what we need, and is more than happy to give it to us gift-wrapped with a lovely red bow.

He is completely selfless and at our beck and call. And if we let him invade our mind regularly, this fantasy guy can also be a silent marriage killer.

I have conversations all the time with an imaginary man. In fact, I'll bet you do too. You see, we develop these unrealistic expectations of how our marriage should be (and especially how our husbands "should" treat us). And on days when real married life is less than ideal, we imagine how our fantasy spouse--let's call him "Prince Charming"--would act in that moment. Prince Charming gives the "perfect" answer our your feelings, right? He says things like: “Oh, honey, you’re so right. Let me draw you a bath and give you a neck message as you tell me all about it.” Prince Charming knows exactly what we need, and is more than happy to give it to us gift-wrapped with a lovely red bow. He is completely selfless and at our beck and call. And if we let him invade our mind regularly, this fantasy guy can also be a silent marriage killer. How can we deal with unrealistic expectations in marriage?

 

Prince Charming Feeds Unhealthy Relationship Expectations

I've learned through almost 15 years of marriage that this fantasy guy that lives in my head is anything but the best man for me.

You see, for years, Prince Charming has tricked me and given me the wrong impression about how my real husband (you know the one I said “for better or worse” to) “should” treat me.

Prince Charming has whispered impossibilities into my ear—falsehoods about what marriage “should” be about and about how my husband “should” respond in each situation.

He has established unrealistic expectations in my heart about how my husband “needs” to react. He has told me that, if my husband really loved me, he would answer me in this specific way or do this specific thing.

For years, these unrealistic expectations robbed me of the true joys of my husband and severely limited our marriage. 

And yet, I was the one who let these falsehoods take root in my heart! I was the one who said, “Prince Charming, you’re right and he’s wrong. Why can’t he respond the way you do?”

Take Action Against Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage

Proverbs 14:1 says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Oh, how true this is.unrealistic expectations marriage

And friend, today I want to be real with you about the dangers of listening to Prince Charming, and how this idealized man can slowly and inadvertently destroy the beautiful walls of your home’s foundation—your marriage.

I recently shared about this topic as part of the 31 Days to A Better Marriage Series.

This post is a very personal one for me (and I feel that it has the potential to set many women free!) so I pray that you're able to read the full post here.

Other Posts on Marriage:

When Chronic Illness Invades Your Marriage

The Surprising Secret to Better Sex for Christians

Real Marriage: Why My Spouse Is Not the Enemy

About Alicia Michelle

Alicia Michelle is a certified NeuroCoach™, Bible teacher, speaker and host of the Vibrant Christian Living Podcast and You Tube Show. More importantly, she’s a lover of Jesus, a wife of 20 years to her best friend, and mom of four amazing kids ages 18 to 9. Alicia struggled with overthinking, negative thoughts and “being enough” for most of her adult life until God radically transformed her heart after a life-threatening medical crisis. Now through her signature courses and coaching programs she loves equipping women with practical, scientific and biblically-based mindset tools to help them overcome negative thought patterns and discover more confident, joyful lives in Christ. Listen to her on the podcast or on You Tube; download great resources at VibrantChristianLiving.com; and connect on Facebook and Instagram.

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